Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I AM BACK and new format.

I have not been faithful here and I miss writing so much. Life has been very complicated in the last few months. I have really had to stop and think and look at my core values and dig deep inside for some answers. So I hesitated in sharing because some is not pretty and because in a way I had a wall around me and the third reason is pride. I have had to see how much I have fallen into the trap of being a "super Christian" and not being real.

Than today I received this format in my email and I liked it. So with this I will be able to share fun, serious and deep feelings with you all.
It is found in The Home Keepers site.

Here’s What’s happening …..
In My Kitchen ….
Tonight we will be having chuck steak, baked potatoes and brussel sprouts.
With The Children …..
Since I have no children at home I will share what I am doing with the 2 boys I home school. The youngest is doing a lap book of Early America and for today and tomorrow we are working on Paul Revere. We used this site:
and made the Paper model of Paul Revere's house. It came out so nice. He enjoyed visiting all the sites they provide and read and narrated it back to me. Tomorrow he writes it out and reads the poem to me. He has been working on doing this. Three months ago he refused to read aloud and hated it. Now he reads well and reads a lot.
What I’m Reading …
"A Circle Of Quiet" by Madeleine L' Engle
Reading for the third time " The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning

What I Have Been Learning …
From both books I have had come to see I must look deep inside myself. I need to see where I need to change. Here is a quote from "The Ragamuffin Gospel".
"There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are."
That is so true. Yesterday I wrote a post on why women miss old friends and feel so lonely where they are now. I am at that place. This is a new place to me.....I cannot get out because of mom and issues with John's health and lack of money and so I have pondered long and hard about what I must do. One thing I see is we women have so often put on "false faces" and become what I call "Plastic People". I detest this in others but now I see I have been guilty too. I am back to "What you see is what you got".
What I’ve Been Noticing ….
How many creatures are visiting our back yard.....I knew this but with all the snow their tracks are there.....deer....squirrels....skunks....and last night our black bear. Those are some big and beautiful tracks! I want to see him again. I have been able to watch him three times and what a stately creature he is!

On The Back Burner of My Mind ….
We need to move to a less expensive place.....where? How? I must confess another move scares me but when life gives me this challenge I make it an adventure. Now we have mom and that adds so much stress. She will not do a move very well. She is going back. We need to sell all of this beautiful furniture and art so we can begin a simple life. I am ready.

In The Deepest Darkest Recesses ….
From The first book I am reading, "A Circle of Quiet" I find myself wondering about my "self".
Here is a quote:
"I haven't defined a self, nor do I want to. A self is not something static, tired up in a pretty parcel and handed to the child, finished and complete. A self is becoming. Being does mean becoming,but we run so fast that it is only when we seem to stop-as sitting on the rock at the brook-that we are aware of our isness, of being. But certainly this is not static, for this awareness of being is always a way of moving from the selfish self-the self image- and towards the real. Who am I, then? Who are you?" Page 32
Now do not get me wrong....I know who I am in Christ. But at the age of 61 I find myself wondering who am I? I have many creative talents. I use the one with needle and thread and can make beautiful pieces. I love doing this. I love to cook and have had to switch from gourmet back to simple because of that place we are right now and I love the challenge. But there is one talent I have been pushing aside and that is writing. To be honest I am afraid of rejection and so I write and sit on it. I have been encouraged to share it with others but I am scared.....now what does that say about me? I am working on that. Prompt me to keep working.

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