Thursday, December 18, 2008


Today depression hit me so hard. This is not a feeling I am used to at all. I was not even sure I wanted to get out of bed. I knew I had to “take the bull by the horns” and call it what it is. I prayed and got up for that hot cup of coffee. It was quiet and so I reflected on this week. When we had a urgent bill to pay a check came from a precious Aunt and Uncle and it was paid and I went to the Discount Grocery Store and picked up a few essentials. Now that is a blessing! I heard from a few friends that lifted my spirits. That is worth more than gold. I sold a few cards and that was a blessing. John received 2 possible job emails that were personal and not automated. Maybe…
The depression started to lesson but as many of you know the devil likes to show us the other side. How I fought that. Nature does so much for me and so I decided to take Sparky for a walk. He likes to visit the row of trees to do his business and he went a bit crazy…it looked like some fur I thought that worked him all up…but no it had roots. So I finished walking him and got my camera. It was too dark to take a picture where it was so I pulled it up…brought it to John and he was amazed…it is delicate. Sparkles, has black dots on it and is so dainty. We looked it up but found nothing…. so here is the picture maybe one of you can identify it.
The back yard was calling me and soon I stumbled on this pretty and bright fungus. I brightened too because I simply love nature. John thinks something eats these because there are some out there that look nibbled on.
I stopped to sit on the outside brick fireplace and just watched the pond. I had taken some stale bread along and the fish were feeding on it and the birds were singing. To me it is way too warm today for the season but I have to admit it is nice. A hawk soared over me and all of a sudden it was quiet. The small birds dove into the bushes by the feeder. That made me pause. They saw or heard danger and they hid. That is survival. Maybe there is a lesson in this for me too. I will think about it more.

As I headed back to the house I saw these full heads of dandelion seeds. I love them because they remind me of my childhood. Do you remember picking them and than blowing on them? I do and I giggled at the memories. As a child it was a wonder or fun to us but I guess our parents did not like all those dandelion seeds on the pretty yard. But as a mother or grandma I remember the delight on the face of my children and grandchildren as they handed me the treasure they had just picked…a bouquet of Dandelion flowers.

I sat on the chairs on our patio/carport and adjusted my attitude. We are among many families that are out of work with no job in sight. There are many of us without no presents under the tree for our kids and grandkids. There are many of us that have been told the panty shelves are empty in the food closets. I looked at the panic in the eyes of a family there and knew they have children to feed and we do not. They told me the only agency here in town that helps with electric bills is out of funds. This town of mill workers has been hit so hard with lay-offs. The huge carpet company here handed pink slips to those 45 or older. There are many that do not have the faith that knows God will supply our needs. We may question how and when and I believe that is a normal emotion but we can never doubt His power. He does know our breaking point.

I have resented having to once again giving up what God supplied us with after the lass of all our things. But if I am honest I will say I allowed myself to be once again attached to things and I was determined not to do that again. I know the things we have He gave us for a reason and to hang on to “things” is not a very good way to say thanks to Him. So I prayed and told Him I am willing to do whatever is required of me.

What are gifts under the tree? Usually they are fun to select for our families. It gives a mom pleasure to find that perfect gift for her children. It gives a grandma great pleasure to find the right toy or game for our grandkids. I had such plans…not for big gifts but thoughtful gifts for each one. But that is not to be. I gave this hurt to Jesus to. It will have to be up to Him if He sees fit to grant me this pleasure.

I do have what I need to bake brownies for my oldest daughter for the party at the Police Dept. I made them some time ago and her guys want more. I make them and that melt chocolate as a icing. I am looking forward to doing this for her. I was so happy she asked me.

I was able to set us a Pay-Pal account to sell my cards and some things I have stitched and that gives me encouragement to know maybe I can help us some as job spends all day and way into th night searching for that job. I hope to go now and create more to sell.

As I close this let me tell you the depression has lifted. God is faithful in giving us strength for the hard times, in giving us joy in nature if we chose to take the time to enjoy them.. He is faithful in taking away the resentment when we repent. He allows us to be open and transparent with Him and meets us where we are…even if the depths of depression. He is indeed a good and faithful Father.

The challenge I leave with you is this…if you need your attitude adjusted go to Him. Look around you and see a neighbor that needs encouragement and be that to them. He will give you the words to say, the actions he wants you to take and the needs they may have you can give to them. Remember Jesus is the reason for the season. Do what He does for you!

1 comment:

deborah said...

Thank you Donna.. I needed this reminder today. Praying for abundant blessings upon you and yours!