Today was the big 60 for me. It was the first time I dreaded a birthday. I wrote this last night.
“Might it be because I still have so much I want to do? Could it be I want to be able to bless others more? Could it be because we always thought 60 was old? I think it is a lot of the first 2 for me. I still want to see the Swiss Alps, I want to spend time with my family in Pa. I want to see Skyler graduate from college, Adam, Will and Zoe from high school. I have so much I want to share with them.....stories, memories but mostly listen to them and I mean really listen. I have the time now. I want to finish my book or books....I have 2 started and just got stuck. I want to be able to walk on the Beach or hike up a mountain again.
Those all are dreams and some will come to pass. But mostly I want to enjoy each minute right now.....like the look on Zoe's face when she saw me walk into their house and the squeals of delight and the words, "Nana, I love you and missed you" along with a tight hug and yes I picked her up and cried.....we had such a delightful afternoon drinking our tea, reading a book, playing with toys and laughing.....the fun I heard in Ryan's voice as he teased me about becoming a senior citizen that can get him a discount....big chance!
I so enjoyed watching a hawk on the way home.....my DH pulled off the road so I could enjoy him and than the owl watching us as we came home. Sparky was one happy dog to see us and he just put on a show and laid with each of us for a bit......or this morning as I looked out to the pond and saw the Great Blue Heron catch a fish and what fun to see him swallow it! The Cardinals sang and the Purple Finches flutter about......Yes, it was all simple things but ones I will remember this week.
God has given me a gift....so many die before they reach this age and you know I believe each of them had dreams too. My dad at 88 had some.....but his biggest wish was to go and be with the Lord. He said many times he was ready and as I type this I did wipe a tear but mostly I am comforted by the love he gave me every minute he was alive. One thing I learned was he too had fears and he too was down at times but he always shook them off with his strong faith.
Birthdays are funny....they do something to you no other day does except Maybe New Years Eve.....you stop and reflect. It is kinda like the word "selah" at the end of a verse....it means stop and reflect......the goodness of God, the gifts he has given us, the family we have and yes these storms in life that take us to the brink of despair for really it is there that you see the strength the Lord gives you. I seldom think of that strength until I think I am going over the edge and than you see the break in the skies and you know God is still with you. You feel that love like you did as a child when you climbed up into your fathers arms and knew you were safe and loved. Yes, God gives us that strength because He says that what is His is ours....take a minute and reflect on that.
I have a wonderful husband that would move mountains for me if he could. He also gives me strength as I see him struggle to be "normal" whatever that is......His love gives me what it takes to love him more and more.”
I awoke with joy this morning. It was great to be alive. I watched the birds and drank my coffee. John wished me Happy Birthday. It seemed like the depression I have bee feeling lifted. I know that was because of the prayers of those that care. The girls called and Ryan also. That was nice.
John pulled out the Christmas tree, which surprised me because I did not plan to get it out this year. Ryan’s girlfriend was here and she helped me decorate while John made a hamburger for us and Ryan along with French fries. It was so good. A meal we seldom make but what we could afford. The fact John made it was the important thing. I love that man of mine!
Gifts were not bought but that was fine. When there is no job store bought gifts are not important at all. It is family and their love that gets you through. It is one’s faith I God and knowing He is in control. It is learning from the tough times and gaining strength day by day.
Than I had a wonderful surprise in a phone call from a neighbor from childhood and I believe we chatted for close to an hour. It is funny how God sends the right people at the time you need them. Thanks Ruby for taking the time to surprise me with a call. God Bless you.
Let me end with some things I am grateful for:
Another year to serve the Lord
My darling husband
Family and friends that care.
The job God will give John
I am feeling creative again